the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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