Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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