I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
