Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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