Is it normal to miss your booty call?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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