youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
