So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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