So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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