we have pet lesbian snakes
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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