i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize