It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
