I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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