...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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