stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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