can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
