actually, I'm a sock model
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
