i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
