what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
