I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You brought string cheese to the strip club
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
