Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
