Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
