We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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