I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize