She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
