He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Even the bartender felt bad for me
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
