I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Randomize
