he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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