i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
