I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
