My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
