life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
