Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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