He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
