Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize