His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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