I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My balls are so social today.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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