all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
