smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
