Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
