I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
