Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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