Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize