Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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