i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Are my feet made of real feet?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
