right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
