When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
