You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
