he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
