I could make wine with my vomit
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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