Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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