I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
