Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
