i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
