then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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