Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
