O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
whose parrot is this?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
