I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
