I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
