I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
