Where did you get a picture of my penis
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
