He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
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