Say something about gay babies.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
