i need an iv and a liver transplant
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
