How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize