I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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