the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
