Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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