you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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