So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
