You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
