Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So I just went to clothing optional bar
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
