what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
two words: eviction party
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
