she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
