and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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