What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
