don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
