Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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