i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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