Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
