I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
