it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I have post one night stand depression
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
