so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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