If i come over, it means nothing
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
