So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
