wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
