my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
