i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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